Our blog is center around the events before, during and after 9/11. On this blog, there is a wide variety of facts, statistics, effects and personal accounts of 9/11. In addition to this, we also have specific writings, such as obituaries, police reports and news articles, which correlate to the topic of 9/11. We hope that the combination of these articles and post will make our website as dynamic as possible. Why did we choose this topic? With the ten year anniversary of 9/11 approaching at the time, we figured why not. This event is extremely important and memorable, so we tried out hardest to get it all right and do it justice. We hope we covered every aspect of this memorable day.
We chose to set up our blog in the way we did so others viewing the website could see which group members contributed what. Like the survivors, victims and others affected by 9/11, we all have different points of view and interests. This way, everyone can see our individual contributions, but can also see that together we make a whole, just like how the victims have their own stories, but come together to make one united group of proud Americans.
Maggie, Kathleen, Adam, Augustine
Instructor Feedback - Student Feedback
I like that your link-exchange paragraph gives a reason for why you chose this topic - drawing out attention to the ten-year anniversary of 9/11 reminds us of why this a timely topic for your assignment. In doing this, though, you'll want to consider how to match the tone of your subject with the goals of the blog. Your phrases "extremely important and memorable" and "do it justice" convey a serious and complex purpose, and you may want to think about what effect "we figured why not" would contrast with this.
Also, very good work linking the structure of the blog both to the information you wish to convey and the nature of the real-world tragedy. You've linked the stories of that day to the individualized structure of the blog, and then gently bringing it around to a larger message of uniting Americans. Something to consider in your About page is the use of repetition - the first few sentences restate the same ideas. What would be a more direct way to convey the nature of your blog to a new visitor?
The aesthetics here are very well done. The background is patriotic without being distracting, and the photos are well-chosen. I also like the choice and variety of research, particularly the way you differentiate between helpful websites and less-relevant sources.
Overall, the blog is well focused. Something to consider, though, is the scope of your selected documents. The newspaper article, for example, gives a sweeping summary of all the events of that day and after - would a short newspaper article generally provide this broad of a perspective? For your project, would you want to change the type of document it was? Or would you want to change the level of information provided in this document?
"Hijacked" is one word.
An obituary uses passive voice in order to give a more gentle tone. Someone who passes away "is survived by" their loved ones (make sure to include the "is.")
Family members share "their fondness for" a person, or "their fond memories of" that person. Also, consider how comma placement changes how we read a sentence. Compare the following:
- "The hardest thing about losing Mary everyone says - she touched so many lives and now has been taken away."
- "The hardest thing about losing Mary, everyone says, is that she touched so many lives and now has been taken away."
Which sentence (1 or 2) is more clear?