Wednesday, September 14, 2011

"Ninja Couch Potatoes" - Section 012, Group 2

College Group 2

Group Members:
Jordan, Meredith, Fred, John, Ciera

Instructor Feedback - Student Feedback
I like how your blog is very easy to follow, and I can tell from the feedback that you continued building on this after the workshop session.  Just note that at least one of the links in the Final Content tab send us to the rough-draft copies instead of the final drafts.

Overall, I like the choice of documents here.  The About Lilly Peppers tab very succinctly summarizes her status as a college applicant, and then the acceptance and financial aid letters give us an interesting picture of how universities tend to categorize students through very cheerful and welcoming documents.  Something to consider for a blog like this would be to offset some of the official documentation with one or two notes showing more of Lilly's personal feelings - an e-mail to a friend, perhaps, or a diary entry.

John, I like the numbers and the "gentle insistence" of the Scholarship Letter.  Jordon, in the Resume, you list some very important details about Lilly's life and qualifications - to expand on this, you'd want to give a few lines of specifics regarding her jobs and activities.  For example, "worked many jobs" might be listed as "night-shift cashier at McDonalds, June-August 2010."  Meredith, I like the tone and welcome of the Acceptance Letter - it covers the basic information for an incoming student, and then directs her to log on for more information.  Ciera, the Financial Aid Award provides good details and the right tone - to bolster this, you might consider what else the financial aid letter might include as a way to entice Lilly to attend Penn State.  And Freddie, I like how the rejection letter also captures that "thanks for applying" tone, citing issues such as the economy before passing on the bad news.

One area of the blog I would have liked to see more development was in the research.  The commentary given for the Rejection Letter (Resume) and the Rejection Letter provided the right kinds of insights into your research, and the Acceptance Letters and Student Financial Aid research provided a good number of links.  However, you need to combine these qualities - a good sized number of links to relevant examples should then each be explained so we know how each one helped in your research.

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